1. Innocent’s birth story part II

[The larger story is in the first trimester stories page. This is a more medical close-up. Innocent was born probably two and a half weeks after he died, one and a half weeks after we found out. This narrative is offered in the hopes that someone will have a better idea of what to expect.]

During the week before I learned we had lost Innocent at 12 weeks, 5 days, I had noticed some of the more bothersome pregnancy symptoms easing. I had more energy, was less nauseated and was losing some of my food aversions. Oddly, and I couldn’t explain this, I was also losing the breast tenderness. I attributed everything to moving into the second trimester. Since this has been my experience with all of my other pregnancies, I was reassured that I was “right on track”. This kind of haunts me now that I know they all pointed to a fetal demise.

Fast forward to the second visit to the doctor when I had the ultrasound and set up the D&C for ‘just in case’. My cervix was long and closed. I was very discouraged because this seemed to indicate it would be a good while (if ever) before I started to miscarry naturally.

Two nights later, Saturday night, I noticed some brown spotting at 10:30. I was overjoyed. I wouldn’t be needing the D&C after all! By 11:30 the discharge was a little more red and I figured I’d be up for the rest of the night. Everything I had read suggested that it would be anywhere from several hours to a few days before the miscarriage was completed. I was cramping pretty hard now, almost to the point of contractions because they were coming in waves. I considered taking some pain medicine and trying to go to sleep thinking that I would almost certainly not sleep through the worst of it. Father was worried I would be too groggy if I did and unable to take care of myself. He doesn’t do well at all with blood so it was definitely going to be up to me. I had bought some super-massive overnight pads and some chux (disposable absorbent under pads) at the store the week before in preparation so I went ahead and put one on and tucked a chux under me. This was good thinking.

Not long after I felt a strange twisting ‘pop’ inside my lower abdomen. I wondered if something would happen. Nothing did. I picked up my book again. A few minutes later I felt something suddenly running out of me. I thought my water had broken but it turned out to be blood. Trying to think clearly I realized I had better go ahead and get to the bathroom because this was it. Father helped, and about ten minutes later I was in a tub of warm (not hot) water with supplies in easy reach. He left so he wouldn’t pass out but we left the door cracked so he could hear if I called. The tub was rapidly turning red and I had to manually remove a clot that felt glued to me. Not more than a minute later I felt a sensation of fullness and instinctively pushed. I felt something large come out. Even though I couldn’t see through the water I knew this was the baby. I was scared to reach down and feel around for it. I waited a minute, prayed for courage and after realizing that there was no one else to step in, reached down and gently picked up what turned out to be the amniotic sac with a large clot attached. I was unable to pick it up more than an inch above the water because I realized it was still connected to the umbilical cord. What a tiny cord! I thought that I would just support the sac until I delivered the placenta. Several minutes later it occurred to me that the placenta might be a good while coming. That’s when I realized I had forgotten something crucial: scissors. This was turning out to be closer to a regular delivery than I had expected. Father edged into the room to bring me a pair and I cut the cord.

I balanced a chux on my knees and put the sac on it. The fluid was cloudy, not clear, probably as a result of the extended time since the baby’s death. I was kind of scared to open it but I didn’t want to put the whole sac into the container of saline I had waiting. The baby was still floating around in the amniotic fluid and I suddenly saw very clearly a little foot and then a little white hand. I cut open the sac (it was surprisingly strong), the fluid flowed out and there he was. He was just beautiful. [photos on the first trimester photos page under 12 weeks] He was actually more developed than I had expected. He was somewhat pinkish-gray, very delicate and some of his skin had ‘blisters’ where fluid was collecting under it. This was from the physical processes of death. There were tiny shreds of skin, kind of like that you see on post-term babies, over most of his body, but they weren’t disfiguring. You mostly noticed these when he was in the saline later. After I held him for a minute and talked to him I put him in the saline and covered the container. Then I got down to the business of the rest of the delivery.

Over the next hour or so I passed about 10 clots of decent size. The water was so bloody that after about 45 minutes I let it out and refilled the tub. I still hadn’t delivered the placenta and I knew that I would keep bleeding until I did because the uterus was unable to fully contract to shut it down. There are a few options for assisting a placenta out but only one is possible when you are by yourself at home: fundal massage. I found the top of the fundus and pushed deeply into my abdomen, kneading it. After a minute or so of this (and I kept it up for a few minutes) I started having much stronger cramps. I passed another clot or two and then decided to try bearing down. After a few pushes the placenta came out. I had to examine it to make sure it was all there and part not left inside. Now, placentas are not pretty. Frankly, they make me rather sick. Again, I realized that if I didn’t pick it up, no one else was going to (you don’t call the paramedics to pick up your placenta for you). I didn’t bother saving it for the doctor to look at because I was sure it was complete. I only passed one more medium-sized clot after that and blood, but the bleeding decreased significantly. I did a little more fundal massage to encourage the uterus to stay firm. All of the clots and the placenta I put in a chux and threw away. I recommend rinsing off with cool water, not warm, because the blood will come off better.

A few minutes after I got out of the tub and was cleaning up the bathroom I suddenly felt nauseated, hot and faint. I sat down but it got worse. I called to Father. I knew I was about to pass out and didn’t want to wind up on the floor. He helped me to bed (putting a chux down) and I lay there with my head down and my knees up and a cold washcloth on my face. I told him to get me something to drink. I checked my pulse to make sure I hadn’t lost too much blood but it was normal (otherwise it probably would have been high). I figured I just dropped my blood pressure from a combination of warm water, stress, pain and fluid loss. Fifteen minutes later I felt well enough to get up (slowly: sit with legs hanging down for a minute before standing), get dressed and finish cleaning up the bathroom. I made sure to finish the drink too. The last thing I did was spread out a clean chux and pick Innocent up out of the saline. I took pictures of him, taking full-body pictures of him in the saline and then in my hand and on the chux, then focusing on details like feet, hands, face, ears, etc. It also occurred to me to see if we could tell the sex. I wasn’t expecting to because of what I had read, but you could tell he was a boy. I put him back in the saline and wrapped the container before putting it in the refrigerator.

My bleeding that night was much less than what I had after full-term deliveries. It stayed bright red for almost a week and then rather quickly faded out. After a day it started up again in the middle of the night rather heavily and I passed a clot. Over the course of the next week it slowly turned from bright red to dark red, brownish red, brown, tan and now, just over two weeks later, it’s gone. [Update: I started a period four weeks from the date of delivery, two weeks after I stopped bleeding.]

2. Stephanie’s story of her natural miscarriage at 12 weeks.

This goes to show that not all miscarriages are alike but there are certainly many similarities. Stephanie is very specific and graphic (in a helpful way) in her description and so I am placing this story here as well as on the first trimester stories page.

3. Amelia’s story of Micah’s birth at 15 weeks

Micah departed at the age of approximately 15 weeks. It was discovered a few weeks later and he was born after induction with misoprostol between 18 and 19 weeks. Unusually, Micah was born at home with the assistance of a midwife. Amelia does a very detailed job of describing the effects of a misoprostol-induced birth and gives a lot of helpful advice for anyone facing something similar. 

4. Amber’s story of her miscarriage of a 7 week, 4 day baby at 11 weeks and 5 days

Amber’s story can be found on the first trimester stories page. Amber had a missed miscarriage which was diagnosed 2 weeks after the baby’s death. She opted to wait for her body to deliver naturally and ultimately delivered her baby, “Our Angel Baby”, at home after 2 additional weeks.